Women As The Main Money Earner for the Family

Do You Make More Money Than Your Husband?

If you do, then you know the hassles it can create in a marriage. I grew up in a house where my father gave my mother an allowance. She received the same amount in December as she did in June. She received the same amount in September when we went to school as the months there was a family birthday. This allowance was meant to feed the family, buy family presents, get her everything she needed, and take care of family medicines. The rest of the money was dads.

My mom wanted to go to work. Dad told her where she would work. Mom wanted to get retraining. Dad told her that she would go to a tax school so she could do his taxes.

She started to work - dad told her when, where, and how much time she could invest in other people.

At the time - my mom did not complain because it was how things were.

Are You the Wife and Only Money Earner in Your Home?

I am not like my mom. My husband went through a machine. He cannot work. He cannot help clean the house. Because of emotional trauma, he is not a reliable person to care for the children.

I do not complain because I have many freelance friends who are living a similar life.

The Point Is ...

It is very difficult to be a woman who is the 'head of the house.' It is far different from a 'career woman' who works because she wants to - or because 'they' are working toward a better future.

There are strains on the relationship. 'He' wants to put restrictions on 'Her' that wouldn't be put on him when he works.

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He - comes home and tells the family he is taking 2 years of courses to work up the ladder - yea dad!

She - starts taking courses so she can have a better job - "your working too hard" "you are not spending enough time with me" "Take care of the kid yourself - its woman's work."

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He - comes home and says the plant has ten hours overtime a week for three months and alternative Saturdays.

She - comes home and says that she has a chance to improve her income but it will take a lot of extra time.

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I had a friend once who operated one of the first online stores (11 years ago). She was one of the largest quilt sales people in North America. She worked full time, attended conferences, went into the country to buy, met with IT people, met with bankers. Her husband wouldn't clean the house. Her children wouldn't cook.

She hired a cleaner and he fired them because it was 'wasting their money.'

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I had a friend who made partner in a law firm. She became pregnant and had to quit because 'There was no way he was staying home and playing 'Mr. Mom' with a new born.'

The purpose of this blog is not to complain. It is to let you know that you are not alone. We all need to come to a place where it will hit the fan.

Every one of us comes to a day when we have to decide - do I hold onto the traditional role of a mother and wife (and probably have a breakdown) or, do I assert the fact that I am the one responsible for the welfare of the family and demand the freedom of the breadwinner.

There is a better place on the other side of the fence.

Teen boys can cook and do the laundry

Men can do a soccer and school runs

Family's can be taught to clean up on Saturday and take care of errands in exchange for Saturday night with mom.

They will not die - they will not fall apart - they will not hate you - they will not think less of you - and if they do then the problem is far more severe than the simple fact that 'mom is earning the money.'